I'm gonna be a BestMan soon. So I need to give a toast. I hope this is what happens:

The Best Man walks up to the microphone. Taps microphone to get everyone's attention away from their chicken/salmon. Then holds right hand up to crowd, turning left then right, so that everyone gets a good look. Then inserts hand into jacket of tuxedo, and into right underarm. Proceeds to make fart noises with hand-in-underarm trick.

The crowd is at first shocked. They can not believe that the Best Man would do something so juvenile, so, so...stupid. The Groom and Bride put their heads together. What the hell is going on? Why? Why? Why?

The Groom's father stands up out of his chair and starts his way over to the Best Man, ready to do what it takes. Take him by the elbow gently or pick him up over his head and throw him as far as necessary.

But then the Bride's mother grabs the Groom's father by the elbow and stops him.

"No, Listen," She whispers to him. "He's playing that song. You know,"

And the Groom's father does listen, and as he does, he looks around the large banquet room and sees that everyone is listening with looks of intense concentration, longing. And then he hears it. It's beautiful. It's a song that he heard a long time ago. When he was young, before the Groom, before the wife. Before.

The Best Man stops, takes his hand out and with that same hand picks up a glass.

"Now let's raise our glasses to the Bride and Groom."

Glasses are raised and the sound of crystal touching crystal rings and rings.

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